New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Who died my cat blue again?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
