So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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