I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
