He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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