My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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