We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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