Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
