Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
