Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize