I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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