at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
