just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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