When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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