If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
