Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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