Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
