I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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