my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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