sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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