I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
