yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
