If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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