youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
being pregnant is like rehab
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When are your genitals available?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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