We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
