Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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