am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she peed on how many people?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize