im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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