so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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