wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
