U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
