If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
