i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize