Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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