do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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