I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She's JV to your varsity
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
