I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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