Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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