Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
