I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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