I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
