i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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