Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
