sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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