you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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