Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
