Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
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