i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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