Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
