3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
