White coat. Heels.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
