I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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