I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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