no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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