Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
