I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
