I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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