My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
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Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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