no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
