just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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