Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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