The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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