His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Randomize
