Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
