he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
