Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
