Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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