i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
