I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
