All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
