Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
