i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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