Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
