Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
