Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
