I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
