Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
