he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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