On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
